Dear Lord, Please get this head out of this bag!

Yesterday was a really UNGLUED day for me, inviting all sorts of raw emotions and negative inside chatter. As a stay at home mom, the morning resembled something out of a Southern Living for families magazine. Baking cupcakes for Halloween, watching a special movie on the TV, laughing, smiling, being excited about the neighborhood parade and party that night with our friends, getting dressed up...well, the afternoon was no picnic down by joyful lane. My plans didn't quite go as I'd planned. I really wanted my little ones to get a nap so everyone would be good for the parade and party. Let's just say that after a LONG time trying, I gave up. I was making them miserable, they were making me miserable. I couldn't juggle the what to do, how to act, what to discipline, this isn't acceptable behavior, Lord, help me right now, impatient, a little selfish, dilemma that was going on within me. This was definitely a situation in which my outward reactions were a result of what I was processing internally. But, I saw it, the inability to grasp God's truth at the right moment, wanting a calm in the storm and to feel His presence for how to handle things. Do you know why I didn't feel it? I was after My plans for how I wanted the afternoon to go, and we all suffered for it. (I gotta get my procedure manual down, ch.7)

But, becoming unglued isn't all that bad, right?? (ch.12)

So, I stopped fighting. I got everyone a snack while I escaped for a little prayer time in the shower. I needed some space to get alone with God and go fishing. Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I can't say everything returned to an article in Southern Living for families because everyone was a little tired and therefore got on each others nerves a little, but I felt a little less out of control. I called my husband to let him know how my day was going. I needed his support when he got home. I didn't want my little ones to think they'd gotten their way today by choosing to disobey mommy and that daddy would be the hero for saving the day as soon as he got home. After a little short family talk, we dressed up and enjoyed the evening with all our neighborhood friends!

I've never been in a rehab or counseling situation where steps our taken to help you get through something, but I'd imagine it to look like this: denying, recognizing, accepting, and fixing.

We think that there's nothing in our lives wrong or out of whack, denial. We think we have all the right answers for the way we're living and the way our relationships are turning out, and we can't see the sin that's disguising itself within us. But, this book has been so helpful for me in allowing me to recognize sin in my life that's stealing my joy. I'm finally hearing the voice saying, stop beating yourself up, I care for you, you'll make mistakes, but that's ok, we'll move through things together, instead of the lies that satan wants us to think about ourselves. I'm accepting the responsibility in owning up to this sin, in calling it out, and finally, I'm accepting the challenge to do something about it. I accept the invitation to Imperfect Progress!

Psalm 51 comes to mind:
Praises to God...You have unfailing love and great compassion! vs. 1
So...wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin...cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness...create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me...Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit (and determination) to sustain me...The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. And, here is where I sit...understanding brokenness. And, this is where I'll start. Read this story. My daughter has wisdom for all of us beyond her 4 years of life!

It all started with a Starburst candy. As we were getting in the car to go to the grocery store, Logan brings up the candy I gave her earlier that day. "I really like what you gave me Mommy." I smiled and saw this as a teachable moment. I told her that candy was good because it was sweet and had lots of sugar in it. And, sugar is ok in small amounts, but too much of it can make you sick and it's not good for your teeth. Then the conversation shifts to the doctor (because I mentioned the word sick). She brings up a couple of weeks ago when she didn't feel good at Aunt Lisa's house. She begins to explain to me why she thinks she got sick..."it's probably because I woke up when it was light outside. That's probably why my stomach hurt." Hmmm....ah yes, another teachable moment for me. I told her it was good to rest and that if it was light outside when she woke up that was good. She must have needed the sleep, especially if her tummy hurt. And, the golden opportunity for me to sneak this one in...I expanded on this a little further...Maybe at home when it's still dark outside and you wake up, then you can just stay in YOUR bed and rest a little longer until it's lighter. Silence. Smile. Sinking in. Parking at the grocery store. Getting out and opening her door. As she unbuckles her seat belt she says to me, "Nah, I kinda want to wake up with Daddy every morning!"

End of conversation. How could I argue with that? I couldn't wait to tell my husband how sweet this was. The rest of the day those words replayed over and over in my head, and the smiles were endless. I started thinking about my motto of "first things first" and how important it is to start my day with prayer or scripture with God before I get going. Everything just seems to go a little smoother. I started thinking that's what I WANT to, to wake up with Daddy every morning! So, this is where I end and begin.

Dear Lord,
Please do your best (which is the best:), to get this head of mine...Out..Of..This..Bag!

Love,
Kim

Relating

I wish___________.

I could fill this blank in with about a bazillion things, and a lot of them would most likely be related to the "J" word. Chapter 9 in Unglued focused on jealousy and it's potential to leave us feeling "empty." I can relate.

"Especially when the empty settles in the part of our souls where unmet desires restlessly wait. And in that dark corner, desperation churns for what could be but isn't, and what we want but still don't have. " (Lysa Terkeurst) Wow, I can relate.

"I let these comparisons and the anxiety they create negatively affect my relationships, my mood, and my confidence to pursue my dreams." (Lysa) Ouch, I can relate. 

This is what I like about this chapter...I'm encouraged that others have been where I've been. I'm encouraged to know that with a little perspective brought into these looming corners, there's hope for understanding. And, I'm encouraged to know that my God has designed me in a unique and special way that makes me who I am, and He loves me "with an everlasting love." Jeremiah 31:3

Earlier this year, my pastor did a sermon series on The Comparison Trap. I thought back to some of the parallel points both Lysa and he make and feel it's helpful to mention a couple of the points I wrote down.

"There is no win in comparison." (Andy Stanley) Got it

"When we try to leverage (move) things other than love, we lose influence. Celebrate what God has given others and leverage what God's given you. What you have is less important (to God) than what you do with what you have." (Andy) In other words, give myself permission to run MY race the way God designed ME.

One of the ways God speaks to me is through music. I love these song lyrics by Todd Fields,

"You are the God of my story, write every line for Your Glory!"

I don't want to waste "limited life energy," as Lysa puts it, wishing for someone else's story. For one, with two toddlers, I don't have lots of energy! I just want to waste my energy on making my God proud of me. And I don't want to always be wishing for more instead of giving more. He loves us with an everlasting love! That's enough to want to change!

Loading My Weapons!

I wouldn't say this characterizes my whole life, but I've definitely gone through seasons of defeat where I've felt like I just can't measure up, or catch up, or wake up! This may be one of those times. I didn't post last week to the blog hop because I honestly didn't know what to say. I felt at first a little overwhelmed by my week, preparing for a birthday party and family coming to town. I was thinking I was dropping the ball by not getting my thoughts together to share, and then, I thought, "What's the point in writing something just to write something?" In all honesty, my heart was in no place to entertain my thoughts. I was too distracted. I was reading through the chapters, but needed time to think about all that underlining I was doing!

This week is different. Driving home from the gym earlier, God reminded me that "your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) Wait, wasn't that our memory verse from chapter 5? Yes! And hasn't Lysa been reminding us that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm?" (Ephesians 6:12) Yes! Then, why am I giving satan (I hate writing his name) so much ammo to use against me? In church Sunday, our pastor started a new series called free. I have no doubt it's going to be a great series and even piece lots of things together for me from what I'm learning in the online Bible study (OBS).

Paul writes about "our" problem in the following verses, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing." (Romans 7: 15-19)

I'm having a haha moment! Can you see the struggle in all the do's and don't do's? Our struggle is with the sin that's in us, the sin that snake brought into the world! So again, "Why do I give satan so much ammo to use against me?" I think it's because I'm not perfect, but as God's daughter and with His Almighty Strength, I can again remind myself of Lysa's definition of imperfect progress: Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace...imperfect progress. Do you know how I visualize this? Jesus's arms wrapped around me daily, giving a slight little squeeze of encouragement (if I'm looking for it!) A Jesus Hug!! (I'll share one day soon about how this idea of the Jesus hug came to be:) For now, it's a little way I've learned to recognize joyfulness in my life along the way.

In conclusion, to talk about the impact this study is making on me is a treat. I think it's obvious from reading, how God's word is coming alive in my life right now. I'm revisiting scriptures that are popping up in my head. I'm also looking for connections in this study and in church of what God would like to teach me right now. Also, to throw out a little of the blessings you guys talked about last week...I have been blessed by the positive thinking Lysa brings to the pages of Unglued. Thank you for studying so hard for us and offering up so many useful tips! A couple of favorites:

"I can't control the things that happen to me each day, but I can control how I think about them." pg. 23

"Refuse to wallow in the depressing angst condemnation brings. On the other hand, embrace any conviction you feel. Condemnation defeats us. Conviction unlocks the greatest potential for change." pg. 47

I also love the scripture she talks about where God's word will not return to us empty, but will accomplish God's desires and achieve His purposes! (Isaiah 55:10-11) pg. 73

To wrap it up again:).. I refuse to let satan have so much power over the way I feel and react. Instead, I'm going to remind myself that Jesus erased all sin by dying for the Ungodly (Romans 5:6), the sinners.."But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

Back off little s, I'm a child of God and He loves me! He'll give me what I need to fight, so I'm loading my weapons!

Kim

Naptime or Bust

Just finished chapter 3. This is where I'm struggling right now, nap time. For the past 3 years this has been my break, my time, my rest. It's slowly inching away from me as my daughter is about to turn 4 on Sat. But wait, she's the one that's quick to obey, to please, and to listen. She'll endure "rest" time calmly and quietly even if she's playing babies in her room. However, my son is a different story. His only fault is loving Mommy too much :) He wants to be where I am all the time, and how many times has he said, "I'm hungry?" He hasn't grasped the "rest" part of my little speech, and on most days his 2 1/2 yr. old little body does nap. But on days like today when I WANT to do my Bible study and I WANT to get things ready for the birthday weekend... not a chance. Instead, he's bringing me some pretend cake from his pretend kitchen with his pretend oven mitt on. And his sister who was quietly resting has just informed me she has "work to do."

In the past on days like today where everyone's tired and could blow up at any moment given the right trigger, I've come unglued only to regret it later or find myself questioning once again, "Did I handle that correctly?" If I'm really honest, most of those times is my frustration in the fact I selfishly didn't get to do what I wanted to. I find that the moments I come unglued the most happen when I've got a lot going on in my schedule. For the most part, I am pretty laid back, but I can "freak out" when it comes to my to-do list and the fact I wanted it all done yesterday. And in these moments I do feel attacked with slapping on labels of inadequacy. I love that God's not done with me yet, that He's already prepared something in advance for me to do, and tonight I can REST in that truth! (Eph.2:10)

So, I will eat some pretend cake, revisit my Bible study later, and try not to watch the clock until Daddy comes home from work!

God, chisel away my selfishness, create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me (Ps.51:10) as I run the race marked out for me (Heb.12:1).

Never too late

So, I've been trying to set up a new blog for about, oh...well...over an hour, let's say. I'm not very techno-save, but really have desired to find a place to share those little "random" thoughts that pop into my head as encouragement to anyone out there who just feels like they can relate. I must confess..I looked at all of 2 blogs from last week and could have gotten discouraged that I wasn't "all set up" with pretty backgrounds and lots of links. Honestly, I've got to figure out how to do it! But, I know I've got to start somewhere and the learning curve can't be all that big, right? How's that for imperfect progress?

Second confession, I'm in the 2nd week of an online Bible study called Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions and admit I feel like I'm playing catch up. I was out of town the Sunday the study began, only to come home to 2 sick children, and still haven't structured any organized time of day to sit and think about the study nor interact with anyone's experience. In my attempts to find that quality time, I think this blog will help with sitting still, activating my mind, and reminiscing over a day, like today, that had huge potential for creating "raw emotions." I admit I am still reading chapter 3 (which I actually started on a plane 2 weeks ago), but this week hope to get going on a regular schedule and get this blog out for the next blog hop!

Following all I've said so far, this will come as no huge shocker that this is my first experience with an online Bible study. I have only done studies the old fashioned way in small groups, so I'm kinda interested about how this goes, and I'm sure to be stretched in new ways!

It's getting late and I've still gotta link this baby to the site, so I'll just end and start with the reason for ordering this book in the first place...

At the time I first saw this book by Lysa Terkeurst, I was becoming frustrated with the way in which my daughter and I were relating when she would get angry at me for whatever reason or for not understanding her. It was a new thing, like a new era in the toddler world in which I felt completely out of control. I didn't like myself in those moments of feeling oblivious to what to do. All I know is that I want to discipline the right way, and I've been a Christian long enough to know that God is my best Guide when things go awry, but that He also uses others to teach me, grow me, and equip me. So I'm hoping this study will do just that!

So they say it's never too late to start and hopefully I'll participate in the next blog hop!

Kim