Dear Lord, Please get this head out of this bag!

Yesterday was a really UNGLUED day for me, inviting all sorts of raw emotions and negative inside chatter. As a stay at home mom, the morning resembled something out of a Southern Living for families magazine. Baking cupcakes for Halloween, watching a special movie on the TV, laughing, smiling, being excited about the neighborhood parade and party that night with our friends, getting dressed up...well, the afternoon was no picnic down by joyful lane. My plans didn't quite go as I'd planned. I really wanted my little ones to get a nap so everyone would be good for the parade and party. Let's just say that after a LONG time trying, I gave up. I was making them miserable, they were making me miserable. I couldn't juggle the what to do, how to act, what to discipline, this isn't acceptable behavior, Lord, help me right now, impatient, a little selfish, dilemma that was going on within me. This was definitely a situation in which my outward reactions were a result of what I was processing internally. But, I saw it, the inability to grasp God's truth at the right moment, wanting a calm in the storm and to feel His presence for how to handle things. Do you know why I didn't feel it? I was after My plans for how I wanted the afternoon to go, and we all suffered for it. (I gotta get my procedure manual down, ch.7)

But, becoming unglued isn't all that bad, right?? (ch.12)

So, I stopped fighting. I got everyone a snack while I escaped for a little prayer time in the shower. I needed some space to get alone with God and go fishing. Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I can't say everything returned to an article in Southern Living for families because everyone was a little tired and therefore got on each others nerves a little, but I felt a little less out of control. I called my husband to let him know how my day was going. I needed his support when he got home. I didn't want my little ones to think they'd gotten their way today by choosing to disobey mommy and that daddy would be the hero for saving the day as soon as he got home. After a little short family talk, we dressed up and enjoyed the evening with all our neighborhood friends!

I've never been in a rehab or counseling situation where steps our taken to help you get through something, but I'd imagine it to look like this: denying, recognizing, accepting, and fixing.

We think that there's nothing in our lives wrong or out of whack, denial. We think we have all the right answers for the way we're living and the way our relationships are turning out, and we can't see the sin that's disguising itself within us. But, this book has been so helpful for me in allowing me to recognize sin in my life that's stealing my joy. I'm finally hearing the voice saying, stop beating yourself up, I care for you, you'll make mistakes, but that's ok, we'll move through things together, instead of the lies that satan wants us to think about ourselves. I'm accepting the responsibility in owning up to this sin, in calling it out, and finally, I'm accepting the challenge to do something about it. I accept the invitation to Imperfect Progress!

Psalm 51 comes to mind:
Praises to God...You have unfailing love and great compassion! vs. 1
So...wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin...cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness...create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me...Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit (and determination) to sustain me...The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. And, here is where I sit...understanding brokenness. And, this is where I'll start. Read this story. My daughter has wisdom for all of us beyond her 4 years of life!

It all started with a Starburst candy. As we were getting in the car to go to the grocery store, Logan brings up the candy I gave her earlier that day. "I really like what you gave me Mommy." I smiled and saw this as a teachable moment. I told her that candy was good because it was sweet and had lots of sugar in it. And, sugar is ok in small amounts, but too much of it can make you sick and it's not good for your teeth. Then the conversation shifts to the doctor (because I mentioned the word sick). She brings up a couple of weeks ago when she didn't feel good at Aunt Lisa's house. She begins to explain to me why she thinks she got sick..."it's probably because I woke up when it was light outside. That's probably why my stomach hurt." Hmmm....ah yes, another teachable moment for me. I told her it was good to rest and that if it was light outside when she woke up that was good. She must have needed the sleep, especially if her tummy hurt. And, the golden opportunity for me to sneak this one in...I expanded on this a little further...Maybe at home when it's still dark outside and you wake up, then you can just stay in YOUR bed and rest a little longer until it's lighter. Silence. Smile. Sinking in. Parking at the grocery store. Getting out and opening her door. As she unbuckles her seat belt she says to me, "Nah, I kinda want to wake up with Daddy every morning!"

End of conversation. How could I argue with that? I couldn't wait to tell my husband how sweet this was. The rest of the day those words replayed over and over in my head, and the smiles were endless. I started thinking about my motto of "first things first" and how important it is to start my day with prayer or scripture with God before I get going. Everything just seems to go a little smoother. I started thinking that's what I WANT to, to wake up with Daddy every morning! So, this is where I end and begin.

Dear Lord,
Please do your best (which is the best:), to get this head of mine...Out..Of..This..Bag!

Love,
Kim